Good morning blog friends! Today marks the day that I begin a new adventure. An adventure all about butt-wiping.

NO. I am most certainly NOT pregnant. (GOSH!)

I’m a brand ambassador for Cottonelle. I’ll be working with the fine people who bring you joyful bum-paradise. Even after the worst poops.

I don’t know if I mentioned it, but the gluten free trial? Was because I occasionally (read: frequently) have digestive…issues. You name the issue, I’ve probably had it. I’ll spare you the details.

Unfortunately, gluten-free wasn’t for me (more on that later). But Cottonelle FreshCare Wipes DEFINITELY are. So when I found out they were running a campaign to “talk about bums,” I begged, borrowed, cheated and stole my way in. Or I asked nicely (and told them that I was awesome. And that I was really good at talking about poop. And butts. And wiping.) One of those.

So here I am, a fancy pants brand ambassador for a company that I stand behind 100%. Because anyone that makes wiping my ass easier is my kind of company.

As one of 35 Humorists for Cottonelle, I’ll be sharing some fun toilet-humor posts about my bum and encouraging you to laugh along with me. You can get excited about this fun campaign too! And you don’t even have to leave the comfort of your own toilet home. Just keep tabs on the hashtag #LetsTalkBums and you’ll see all the fun posts from my campaign-mates.

I’ve included a brief video from documentarian Cherry Healy, so you can see what’s up.

And let’s be real here, guys…

Talking about wiping your ass sounds so much better with a British accent.

As a brand ambassador, I will be compensated for my association with Cottonelle. All opinions are most certainly my own, and no one’s paying me to say nice things. I only work with companies that I like in real life. I’m stating all of this as per FTC rules and such. Go figure.