Even the Pink Fucking Monkey Gets a Vote

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Yesterday was Election Day. We has a pretty big race here in Illinois, and I don’t even want to talk about it.

Instead, I’ll talk about the very serious vote in our house (holy crap, I can say house) last night.

So Brian has picked up this strange habit of not putting the toilet seat down. Which would be less strange if he had been doing it as long as I’ve known him. But it’s a recent development.

Obviously, this new development isn’t on my list of favorites, OCD tendencies and all…so I brought it up to him. I was in bed, and he was standing up. Our bed still isn’t on a frame, so it’s pretty low to the ground, too. It felt like I was a foot tall and he was a giant beast (in, like, not a bad way).

His response? “Maybe, that’s how it’s supposed to be.”

“No.”

“Okay…let’s vote! Everyone who thinks the toilet seat should stay up, raise your hands!” He raised both hands high towards the ceiling.

Then, I said, “All in favor of the toilet seat staying down, raise your hands.” I raised both of my hands.

He decided he needed another vote, he looked around the room, and then he grabbed The Octopod, raising all eight of his tentacles.

The Octopod
The Octopod was the only stuffed creature that Brian brought to our relationship.

I told him The Octopod does NOT count, or so help me, I would get out of bed and every other stuffed animal and doll would be on Team Seat Down.

“You wouldn’t be able to hold all their hands up!”

“Oh yes I would. Rufus. Samantha. Teddy. Staley. Kermit. Even the Pink Fucking Monkey.”

Stuffed animals
Some of the stuffed creatures. Okay, so I got Kermit for Brian for Christmas one year (he named his car Kermit after completely disregarding my option to name him Charlie)
Rufus
Rufus the dog was Brian’s Valentine’s Day gift to me a few years ago…he said, “I got you a dog.” Last night, I said, “My dog’s got votes.”

“That’s his name? Not the fucking pink monkey? The Pink Fucking Monkey? Really?”

“Yep. I mean. He didn’t have a name…but now he does.”

And that, my friends, is how I won the toilet seat debate.

Do you have a toilet seat struggle in your home? How do you solve debates? What are your thoughts on the whole toilet seat thing?

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20 Responses

  1. We’ve never had that issue because my husband grew up putting lid down after every use… which was an adjustment for me, since we always left the lid up (but the seat down) in my house. But it works. There’s definitely no arguments because everyone needs to lift and then replace something (for him it’s just two somethings together).

    1. So, I just started trying to put the lids down (where there are lids) when I flush, because then icky particles are less likely to float into the air. I read a thing that it was a thing, and I was really grossed out. So yep, it’s DEFINITELY awesome about his excellent toilet seat/lid habit.

  2. Couple toilet troubles… I had to buy a new toilet seat earlier this week because eric doesnt like how loud our old one is… it’s nearly impossible not to let it slam down when it closes and it wakes him up in the morning (i get up way earlier than him)

    you know – if these are the troubles we face in our relationships, i think we’re doing something right..
    **raises both *my* hands up for a double high 5*

    1. *Double high five*

      Yep. That is a GREAT way to look at it. Plus my boyfriend brought a fucking stuffed octopus to the relationship. And uses it in battle. That’s fucking awesome. But not as awesome as the pink fucking monkey.

  3. When I lived with my Ex, it wasn’t a toilet seat debate, it was a throwing your dirty laundry on the floor NEXT TO THE HAMPER instead of in it full on WAR. I’m not sure if I won the war or lost it, I moved out before shit got real.

  4. After many years, we have the following accord, seat down lid up, unless there are strNge dogs or kids visiting. Then lids are all down. Really all it takes is one blood curdling scream about 2:30AM when she sits in the water and wakes the entire neighborhood. I say, pick your battles, men and this ain’t one of them.

  5. Seat should be down and so should the lid! I’m not even above telling my friends and guests that house rules require seat & lid down. (And also, shoes off in my apartment but we’re just talking bathrooms here)

  6. I believe that if you want the seat down it should be down at all times! You will win, because women think that this is the right way and men are wrong. Tell Brian Wayne said to just leave it down ALL THE TIME!!!! never lift it, if it gets a bit wet thats fine “Chrissy can just wipe it off” but THE SEAT WILL BE DOWN! The way Chrissy wishes it to be and she can not complain about this anymore.

  7. A few months back, being a married male that has always put the seat (and lid) down, I stupidly decided to carry out a social experiment of mine (I was never good at science) to see what my beautiful wife would do if I suddenly stopped putting the seat (and lid) down.
    Would she notice? How long would it take her? Ah, the questions were endless and, so I thought, would be the laughs at the conclusion.
    Unfortunately, my problem is that I don’t think (or so I am regularly told).
    Before I get to the conclusion I might just add that it is bloody hard to break a 30-35 year habit, and so I found it hard to constantly not put the seat (and lid) down.
    Finally, one night, my beautiful wife pointed out that I left the seat up.
    Oh, how I laughed (and how she did not).
    What made the situation worse is that I then foolishly decided to explain to her my social experiment.
    “Why?”
    ‘Cos I thought it would be funny was not only the wrong thing to say, but was also proven incorrect.
    I quickly relapsed and have been mind-numbingly putting down the seat (and lid) happily ever after.

    In this case I was arsehole-ised whilst experimenting on toilet aerosolisation.

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