I don’t make New Year’s Resolutions.

But I do make plans.

I have BIG fucking plans this year, kids. Big ones. Huge. Rock-my-world-massive freakin’ plans.

It’s going to take some time. And a whole lot of work. But in the end, I’m going to be more awesome and super proud of it.

10 Awesome Things I’m Going to do THIS Year.

Putting on the granny panties and the British accent(catch the reference and I’ll give you a cookie):

Number 1: Obviously will lose 20 lbs.

2018 update: Hey, I may have actually done this. I may have also gained 20 pounds so the net is a little off…but I mean I lost 20 lbs somewhere…

Number 2: Always put last night’s panties in the laundry basket. Finish master’s degree. Sure, it’s a useless degree when it comes down to my future career not being teaching…but it’s still a master’s degree. And I’d like it to be completed. (I mean really…it’s one silly little thesis. How hard can it be? I write for a living.)

2018 update: It only took a couple more years, but in 2015, I graduated with a Master’s degree. And Brian framed that MOTHAFUCKA. 

Number 3: Will be published.

2018 update: Again, only took a few years, but in 2016, I was published in Jen Mann’s anthology, I Just Want to be Perfect. And I can die happy (actually, not yet, bitches. We’ve still got work to do).

Number 4: Will publish a book. Will write a book.

2018 update: Okay, I’m still working on this. BUT I’m much farther along than I’ve ever been. More than 10K farther along. It’s coming you guys, and I’m so excited about it. 

Number 5: Will self-publish the aforementioned book.

2018 update: I mean, unless I can sell it to a publisher…

Number 6: Will get an amazing job. (I feel as though I should put this one a little higher on the list…but I mean…at least it’s on the list, right?)

2018 update: Been there done that. Quit that shit to chase all the fucking dreams. 

Number 7: Crap! I still need 4 more things… Will take at least 3 internet vacations. Yes. That’s a good one. I like my internet vacations. Going off the grid. Maybe at least one will involve a beach. There’s no internet on the beach.

2018 update: Who even knows if I did this. 

Number 8: Crap! I still need 3 more… this is not as easy as I thought it would be… OH! I know! Will attend awesome blogger event…Blogher 2013. And meet bloggers. And give hugs to strangers. Done and done.

2018 update: I did that. Four times at Blogher, twice at BlogU, and twice at the Erma Bombeck Writer’s Workshop that blew my MFing mind. 

Number 9: Will make money on blog. I don’t care if it’s $5 or $5,000…I will make dollars.

2018 update: Dudes and dudettes, I dominated this for a while. I mean, not full income dominated, but I was pretty good at the hustle…

Number 10: Will win a million dollars from McDonald’s Monopoly. 13 is my lucky number. This is the year of my golden birthday. 2013 is it, guys. I can feel it. I’m going to be a big winner this year.

2018 update: Now it’s all about the Jewel Monopoly, but a girl can dream right?

What are your big plans?