I pinched a nerve in my back. Which, if you’ve never done so, is one of the most painful experiences I’ve ever had the “pleasure” of dealing with. I believe that’s what I did about a month ago, when I thought it was just from yoga-ing without stretching…but now I think it was just something waiting to happen. And the yoga-ing was the straw that broke the camel’s my back. It wasn’t nearly as debilitating the first time, and it went away relatively quickly.
This time, it came back with a vengeance. A vengeance that was not willing to part with me quite so quickly. And it all happened days before I was supposed to board a plane to New York for one of the biggest parties of the year. Brian almost didn’t even let me go!
So I went to the doctor. Who prescribed muscle relaxers(corti-something something) and steroids (prednizone) after taking 37 seconds to press my back in 3 places (which will cost me something in the 3-digits)…thus diagnosing me with a pinched nerve in my lower back (sciatic nerve methinks, but non-radiating). She has since refilled the steroids (with a different, apparently more potent version) and told me to get my butt to physical therapy, a place I’m all too familiar with. And now that I’m off the drugs, I’m stuck with a twice-daily PT routine that feels as tough as my most intense yoga class. Or personal training.
But when I was on the drugs, I got some serious fucking anxiety. Now I have a tendency toward anxiety and depression, and whatever good Prednizone did to my back, it was wicked and evil to my brain. It was the worst anxiety attack I’ve had in years. And I’ve had a few.
So I did what any normal girl would do when hopped up on pain killers with a side of anxiety. I did everything wrong.
Things you shouldn’t do during an anxiety attack
Have your palms read
In my infinite wisdom, while out with some girlfriends at a ladies day out event, I thought it would be brilliant to have my palms read. Sure I didn’t really believe in any of that mumbo jumbo but figured I’d give some quack 20 bucks, and she’d tell me some of the badass things in my future. Of course, I didn’t realize that her visions would be vague and could lean toward the negative or positive depending on where my head was. And fucking being the lunatic on drugs that I was, I definitely leaned toward the nego. And my anxiety was through the roof the rest of the day. And just to drive the nail a little deeper, I fucking believed that bitch. The minute she told me I was on a lucky streak, I took everything she said and mentally filed it away.
Consume alcohol
With all that anxiety, you may find yourself in search of chocolate. When the only chocolate in the house requires baking (fuck that) or is the last piece of Easter candy (a hollow cookies and cream bunny) that you planned to snap photos of for a potential blog post next Easter (that you’re probably not going to write anyway), you know what you have to do. You open a bottle of Bailey’s and pour a largely portioned shot (twice) and take pictures. Since your tolerance is pretty much shite, you’re drunk…and you anxiety is now magnified even more. You’re probably going to start crying pretty soon, aren’t you? Oh, you’re too smart for that shit? Me too, guys. Me too.
Upgrade your website host
When your anxiety is already raging, there’s no time like the present to fix what ain’t broken. Well, my site was kind of broken. But not really It was running super slow, and the people at DreamHost told me if I spent more money, my site would run faster. And everyone wants that, right? So I jumped on my computer after a few shots and went to town. I also panicked the fuck out and spent 30 minutes chatting with customer support who told me I should avoid making any changes for a couple days while it transferred over. They also said some other stuff which I promptly forwarded to Brian.
Contact your boyfriend who’s out with his friends
So now I’m freaking out about my stupid soothsaying palms, drunk, with a broken website…and alone. Brian was out with a friend, catching a flick. After movies, they tend to stand outside and talk…sometimes for hours even when it’s balls cold outside. I couldn’t handle that much more of my anxiety alone. I needed to drag someone else into my crazy bullshit. Since Brian voluntarily lives with me knowing I come with my own brand of crazy… I played the part of psycho girlfriend.
First, I checked the runtime of said movie. Then, realizing he was still in the movie, sent a text…something along the lines of “hey. I’m crazy right now. My anxiety is killing me slowly. Please come home as soon as possible so I don’t accidentally die over-analyzation.” I made that last part up. I don’t think I actually thought I was going to die. But my brain was not pleased with where I was at.
When he didn’t respond shortly after the movie was out, I sent a Gchat message. Because crazy requires company…and gchat lets you see if someone has seen your message. And I could be a little less anxious knowing he hadn’t actually seen my message. See? Batshit crazy. But I was just like…”hey no big deal, but just…let me know you saw my message. Kthxbye.”
When in doubt, visit social media…or don’t. Actually don’t.
As if my anxiety wasn’t already rockin’, I took to Facebook where everyone’s joys were flying all over the place. Why is it that when you’re super anxious, Facebook is all look how happy everyone is? And when you’re flying high on life, it’s all, “OMG look at all this SAD.” Why? Because Facebook is a dick. Always remember that social media is not real life, and the highlight reel is designed to evoke emotions from you. It’s perfectly okay — and probably healthiest — to step back from all of the socials if you’re stressed.
Luckily, I have some pretty bad ass friends who I shared my anxiety with. They told me I probably shouldn’t have done anything I did, but hey while you’re here, let’s talk about squirrel-foxes, macaroons and nannies. Best. People. Ever.
Thankfully, the drugs are out of my system and I’ve returned to normal levels of crazy. Well…normal for me, anyway.
When have you had to deal with crazy side effects? Any experiences with psychics or palm readers? Do you get anxiety? What have you done while anxious that just increased your anxiety tenfold?
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25 Responses
Oh Punkin, Cristina says we are all batshit crazy!!!
Well…yeah…that’s true. But I was CRAZIER than usual here.
There was a pony in my studio apartment one but it was so foggy I couldn’t really see him. I was wondering how I was going to explain to the management or how to get him out and set him free in the country (in my hatchback, of course). But I couldn’t deal with any of that until the bed stopped floating and I shouldn’t move or else I would fall for miles and miles and miles…… Later the doc told me she never heard of antibiotics giving hallucinations and suspected I had a really high fever. It is probably a good thing I was afraid to move. Who knows what shenanigans I would have been up to. I got an insane feral cat before I was through with illness. I did set him free in the country and never once felt bad about it.
Oh man! That’s a lot of hallucinations! I once hallucinated that a power plant was the city of Chicago. I had the flu really bad.
OH MAN. Trust me. Alcohol + Muscle Relaxers is BAD. I mean BAD. I did that once and was high as a kite and freaking out.
Ohhh poor baby! I’m so sad you got the anxious. I just have the superfuckinloopy, which is bloody wonderful. I LOVE MY MEDS!
I less like the constipation and anxiety about no exercise, but what the hey – if I stay high I care about those less, too…
Loopy would have been ALL THE FUN.
Loopy *IS* all the fun, and it’s happening RIGHT THIS ESSECOND NOW
I actually had to put my hand over my eyes and read through my fingers when I got to “Upgrade Your Website Host.” Probably the worst part of drug-induced anything is that it feels soooo real when you’re inside it. I wish you continued recovery and hearty waving good-bye to the anxiety producers.
Yeaaahhh so. not. smart. lol. I’m way better now! Thank you!
This is part of the reason I give my doc the side eye anytime she prescribes something. I hate side effects and tend to be super sensitive to meds. Like that time my now ex-doctor gave me Lexapro, assuring me the side effects were minimal to non-existent and I ended up with paramedics at my house at 2am because my heart rate was near 200 and my skin felt like it was on fire as I puked continuously. When I told the doctor, she suggested I see a psychiatrist. Yes, because that shit was all in my head. I feel your pain, my friend.
OMG! That’s terrifying!
Poor thing! These days, crazy comes out when I don’t have enough hormones in my system. My doc decided that at 50 I was too old to still be taking birth control pills and suggested we do a trial off them. Well, I went on them in my early 40’s because my head was coming unglued and I wanted to kill my child. So, 3 months later, after eating 4 tons of chocolate and wanting to kill my child, we decided I need hormone supplementation. Ya think?
My worst (and only- thank God) panic attacks were during my last year of college when I was living with my boyfriend off campus, realizing that I never wanted to marry him (although we were great as boyfriend/ girlfriend), looking towards graduation and having absolutely no clue what to do afterwards. I didn’t know what was happening to me, and it took several doctors visits until one decided to put my on tricyclics. No mention of taking with a counselor (which would have been the best course of action, looking back). They made my brain fuzzy and that’s all I remember about that. I went off them pretty quickly, but it took another year before I broke up with my boyfriend.
Side effects can be so terrifying, at times subtle, and at times not. Sorry about your experience with the palm reader- palmistry can be a bit vague. I jumped into the world of energy healing, spirituality and psychics about 4 1/2 years ago and have met several excellent psychics who are very talented. That said, the future is never carved in stone. Most psychics I work with won’t do the future prediction thing. The most accurate use of a psychic is to find out about the energetics of things going on in your life at present (or past). A good psychic can tell you why your back is messed up and how to shift the energies that contributed to it.
My gal takes a concoction of multiple drugs for a neck injury/sugery so I know what you’re going through. Oh yeah, it’s a special kind of crazy. 😉
Lol you must be a patient man! Also, surgery does not sound fun. 🙁
Steroids make me lose my mind too!!!! Now anytime the doctor recommends them I shut that shit down FAST! I kid you not I am a RAVING LUNATIC BITCH when I take prednisone!!! So don’t worry, I just think we weren’t meant to taker that shit
That makes me feel way better that I’m not alone! Although, to be fair, I’d take crazy over the pain of that back shit any day.
Oh, i just love you. I so get this. SO get this. <3
Right back at you!
Wow – I thought I was the only one who had done a full website move / upgrade while under medication like this. The next morning was, let’s just say “not pretty”. At least it was my own website and not a client’s. I feel for you though, been there – done that with all of the above, well except for palm reading. But you can replace that with personality-test website quiz.
Those personality tests can cause just as much anxiety!
You are a very smart woman, but do a disservice to anyone with a true problem with anxiety. You may not have intended to be minimslizing and flip, but you were.
Welcome to my house, where if you call me mean names, I will edit them. But I’ll leave your grammatical errors and lack of sense of humor. Because that’s how I roll.
Oh, do I understand. I already had a history of depression, anxiety and OCD when I injured my back. My regular doctor was out so new, young as hell Doctor who looked as though he was also in Mumford & Sons sent me on my way with some prednisone. After a couple days when I became suicidal, I called my psychiatrist super confused. Evidently prednisone can also render antidepressants ineffective so it was like I went cold turkey from my 5 year cocktail of meds. That steroid now terrifies me. Actually many of things I’ve done in the throws of anxiety have terrified me. So glad it’s out of your system now! Thanks for sharing. Living with anxiety, I start to just assume all the weird shit I do is just my weirdness and not the manifestation of anxiety. Well some is still my weirdness. But you know.
Oh god! That’s horrifying! I’m so sorry you had to go through that!